


Heaven for the spider, Hell for the fly.

by MellyCrazyCoconut



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Anal Sex, Bad Parent John Winchester, Breaking the Bed, Cas is a little shit, Chairs, Dean Winchester Wears Panties, Dean Winchester's Birthday, F/M, Fix It, Homophobic John Winchester, Implied Mpreg, Karaoke, M/M, Oral Sex, Psychological Torture, Rimming, Wedding, Wet Dean Winchester, and we love it, angel Jasmine, but not really, does it show that I don't like John Winchester?, eating contest, post-dean-got-nailed, proposal, real torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28452147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellyCrazyCoconut/pseuds/MellyCrazyCoconut
Summary: 15x20 fix it. Dean and Cas meet again in Heaven and get together. John does not approve of Cas. Cas does not approve of John. Cas&Dean decide to be explicitly gay to make Heaven a living Hell for him.I saw a prompt for this on Tumblr:https://sinnabonka.tumblr.com/post/638042749272276992/i-challenge-you-with-the-idea-of-dean-and-casThank you sinnabonka!
Relationships: Bobby Singer/Mary Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak
Comments: 79
Kudos: 173





	1. Reunited

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sinnabonka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnabonka/gifts).



“Heaven ain’t just relivin’ your golden oldies anymore. It’s what it always should have been: everyone happy, everyone together. Rufus lives about 5miles that way with Aretha. I thought she’d have better taste... And your mom and dad? They got a place over yonder. It ain’t just Heaven, Dean, it’s the Heaven you deserve and we been waitin’ for ya.” 

Bobby looks at him with a smile, but he can’t smile back. Hell, he can’t breathe for a moment. His mom...AND dad? How is HE here?! That fucker deserves to rot in Hell for all eternity for all the shit he pulled! Why...?! Off course...Jack. He doesn’t know. 

“So, Jack did all of this?” 

Bobby gives him a sideways glance and says: “ Well, Cas helped. It's a big new world out there. You’ll see...” 

Cas!!! He’s here! For a moment, Dean is overcome with joy. His eyes fill up with tears and he flings himself out of the chair. 

“Cas! Where is he? I need him... need to tell him something!” 

He’s met with Bobby’s all-knowing smirk. Damn him for always seeing right through him... 

“ Loverboy’ll be along... Don't you worry. Maybe you should go for a drive, check out the scenery. There’s this field out there, filled with flowers...and bees.” 

Bobby gives him a look as he drinks his beer. Perceptive old bugger... 

Dean look around and his eyes fall upon the Impala. Huh, all good cars go to Heaven... 

“I think I might just go for a drive...” 

*********** 

Driving Baby feels like it always has and he’s happy to have her here. She’s been his home for so long, it only makes sense she’d be part of his eternal happiness. Now, to complete that happiness... 

Before long he sees a field appear, filled with flowers and light and life... and Cas. He’s just standing there, watching his precious bees. It always makes him melt a little, such a powerful being, so entranced with the smallest of creatures. 

He gets out of the car and makes his way over. Cas turns to him, his smile so radiant it’s like staring into the sun. Dean starts running and scoops him up in a fierce hug. They don’t need words. Except... THE words. Dean still needs to say them back. Those 3 words. Here goes nothing... 

“You fucking DIED?!” 

Ok, no, not those 3 words... Dean is pushed back and is suddenly met with a very angry angel of the lord. Oh man, he forgot how scary Cas could be when he gets into this whole smite-mood... 

“You seriously couldn’t survive ONE week?! I let the Empty take me so you’d live, you assbut, you should have shown me some respect!” 

He pushes Dean again and he finds himself backed up against a tree. 

“Look Cas, I’m sor...” 

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Cas charges at him and kisses him like a man starved. It takes a second for the shock to wear of, but then Dean is reciprocating with vigour. They kiss and touch and grind... That poor tree doesn’t know what hit him! Afterwards, they lay among the flowers. Dean, utterly ravished and feeling boneless, turns to his lover and then...finally... 

“I love you.” 

*********** 

They re-dress and end up driving Baby, no destination in mind, hands entwined between them. 

“You did good you know...you and Jack. This place is... close to perfection.” 

That makes Cas look up, frown in place, “Close to...? But... What’s missing then?” 

Oh god, he couldn’t have kept his mouth shut, could he? Wel, in for a penny... 

“Not...missing. John’s here. I guess I thought that, since I told you everything about the kind of father he was, what he did to me... I guess I’m surprised you’ve let him into Heaven at all.” 

Dean’s looking pointedly at the road, swallowing hard. He doesn’t mean to criticise Cas, but he really thought he knew... After the thing with the pearl, where John was suddenly brought back, he opened up to Cas about the abuse he’d suffered at his father's hands. How even now, he’d concealed his hate for him for the sake of his mom and brother. Sending John back had been cathartic. But he couldn't tell anyone... except Cas. It had further solidified their renewed friendship at the time. 

“I didn’t. Jack did. I wanted to go against him, but it wasn’t my place to reveal your past with him. And Mary seemed so happy to see him. I couldn’t take that away from her.” 

And Dean gets it. He does. Keeping everyone happy demands sacrifice. Figures that even in Heaven, he couldn’t be truly free... Not even free to love. 

“You do realise John’s homophobic right? And interspecies relationships? Bet he won’t be too keen on that either. Cas, I don’t want to hide anymore...” 

Cas’ grip on his hand tightens and his other hand makes his way up his leg, toward his groin. He nuzzles Deans neck for a moment and then moves up to whisper in his ear: 

“Oh, he won’t be happy, no. And we won’t hide. In fact, I plan on showing you off quite a bit. Let’s show him just how much in love -and lust- we are. Let’s make this his personal Hell...” 

Dean turns his head and is met with the most devious smile. He returns it. 

Thank Jack for this mischievous nerdy little dude. 

To be continued...


	2. Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karaoke... *evil grin*
> 
> The song is "Scream" by Billy Idol btw...  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ustPLq7-DLs

Deans arrival in Heaven is thoroughly celebrated at the “Harvelle’s” in the sky. It doesn’t look like the original one, but rather like a mix of all of Deans favourite bars. The booze is top shelve, the burgers to die for, there’s a mechanical bull, pool tables... hell, there’s even a karaoke machine! 

And the company...well... every dead person he’s ever had the pleasure of calling family is right there. He’d call it perfection... almost. 

“Well son, that angel sure is looking out for you huh!” 

Johns hand on his shoulder makes him cringe. Being around him always makes him feel like a scared 12yo. He remembers what he and Cas agreed on, but he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to do it... 

He’s just about to agree with his dad and change the subject, when Charlie and Cas appear in front of them. 

“Come on, handmaiden, your queen needs you to do shots with her!” 

Charlie takes his hand and just about drags him over to where Jo and Ash are sitting, but not before Cas slide his hand through his hair, down his neck, shoulders, back... and give him a slap on the ass as a parting gift. Deans eyes nearly fall out of his head (and so do Johns), but Cas just grins cheekily and winks at him. 

There's a firm tug on his arm again. 

“Come on dude! You can do the eye-fucking-thing with Mr. Dreamboat for all of eternity, but now I need some quality time with my BFF!” 

He’s whisked away and Cas is now left with John. Oh, this will be good... 

“So ah, Cas is it? The angel who rescued Dean from Hell? Funny...I thought angels would be all ethereal and flowy gowns an harps... you seem very...not that.” 

Cas gives John his best Dom-brow-look and says: “For your information... I am a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. My true form is as big as the Chrysler Building and has 6 wings and 4 heads. This is...or was... a vessel. I choose to look like this for Dean.” 

John has to take a sip of his beer after that. He seems impressed. Yet... he narrows his eyes and shoots his next question at him: “You seem pretty familiar with my son. Very... hands on. You called dibs on him or something?” 

Cas can sense the underlying threatening tone, but isn’t fazed in the slightest. 

“Dean and I do share a profound bond. He has made me feel so many things...so many human feelings and sensations I thought angels were unable to feel. I did indeed leave my mark on him when I raised him from perdition. Perhaps that is what started it all... All I know is that, to me, he is the most important, the most wanted, the most loved.” 

This turn of frase makes John snigger and make a hand gesture as to dismiss Cas. With a nasty sneer on his face he turns to him to say: “Well, if that’s what you’re aiming for, you should have taken a female vessel. My boy is straight as a pole! Not that he’d go for the non-human variety anyway...no offence.” 

But he does mean offence, he’s laughing at Cas. Not that he minds...Charlie is about to put Dean up to something that will make John’s head just about explode. So, he stays quiet and waits for his lover to get some more alcohol in him... 

********** 

He doesn’t have to wait long. People have been using the karaoke machine all night and when Dean stumbles on stage he’s met with a chorus of cheers and catcalls. 

He looks Cas straight in the eyes and says: “This song is for Cas...sorry baby, I wanted to do Thank You by Zepp, but my queen gave her orders...” 

The song starts with a wailing guitar and he turns to John with a knowing smile, “I love Billy Idol and he knows it.” 

John looks at Cas and back at Dean with his mouth hanging open and his face visibly pale. 

Ooh yeah!  
You can fill my cup  
You can fill my bowl  
This train is ready to roll  
Your eyes of fire have stole my soul  
Still coming back for more 

You are the lock I am the key  
Climb on my lemon tree  
You are the one you're on your knees  
You are my little queen  
You know just what I mean  
Climb on my lemon tree! 

Make me scream!  
All night, all night long  
Gonna get extreme  
All night, all night long  
Make me scream!  
All night, all night long  
Gonna get obscene  
All night, all night long  
All night, all night long 

Pretty baby in the back of my car  
Look now you've gone too far  
Have a slice of my lemon pie  
One more will get you high 

You want to know, you want to see  
How much you can squeeze  
You are the one,  
You are a tease  
You love my demon seed  
You know just what I mean  
Climb on my lemon tree! 

Make me scream!  
All night, all night long  
Gonna get extreme  
All night, all night long  
Make me scream!  
All night, all night long  
Gonna get obscene  
All night, all night long  
All night, all night long 

Suck it! 

Mmm alright! 

No! 

Ah ah ah yeah! 

Yeah! 

You took me in the wild  
No one around for miles  
You ain't too proud to beg  
Juice running down my leg  
I want a chick who makes me feel  
Mm, closer dear 

I want you to be free  
I want you lovin' me  
I want to hear you scream  
I want you just like me! 

Make me scream!  
All night, all night long  
Gonna get extreme  
All night, all night long 

Make me scream!  
All night, all night long  
Gonna get obscene  
All night, all night long  
All night, all night looooooooooong! 

The longer Dean sings, the greyer Johns face gets. He thought he’d go into a rage, but apparently, he’s still stuck in disbelief. 

When Dean’s done, he jumps of the stage, collects Cas in his arms an kisses him like there’s no tomorrow. When their mouths finally detach, he looks John right in the eyes and tells his lover: “Oh, I’ll make you scream alright...” 

They can’t get out the door fast enough. 

And John... John just about faints.


	3. Fifth base and broken beds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this: https://jr-moon.tumblr.com/post/639407837975658496/dean-knows-what-fifth-base-is
> 
> Here we've got a very angry Mary, a piece-of-shit John, some slurs and as always Cas being a little shit ;)
> 
> POV John

“Honestly John, what is your problem?!” 

Mary is livid. Her eyes shine with rage and John feels a very cold shiver run down his spine. He’s reminded of their last year together. When they were first married, Mary was the perfect wife... easy going, always agreeing with him, always smiling. Then suddenly things started to change. Having kids changed her, made her priorities shift. He didn’t like it and wasn’t afraid to tell her so. They would often fight, had done so on the night she died actually. It was no coincidence that she’d gone to bed alone that night. 

“Really Mary?! Dean’s over there... canoodling... with that... that ABOMINATION and you’re fucking fawning over them! It’s a sin! It's everything I thought him not to be! I think I’m entitled to be angry!” 

Uh-oh, she’s hitting him with the bitchface (wonder where Sam gets it?), she’s about to chew him out... 

“Oh, that’s what you thought him huh?, she says with a voice as cool as ice, “the only thing you thought him was to be a soldier. My sweet, little Dean, who was always so caring, so full of emotion and not afraid to show it. You fucked him up, is what you did! And now you want to criticize the love of his fucking life?! Who are you to judge them?! They belong together, it’s LOVE!” 

Like a moping child, John turns away his head an mumbles: “It’s gross is what it is...” 

“John, I swear... if you do or say anything to...” 

They are interrupted by the sound of the Impala. 

She points a finger at him and says:“You just shut your mouth around them.” 

The glare he sends her would make lesser woman cower...but not her. 

*********** 

“Hey mom! Wow, what’s with the frowny face?” 

Mary tried to shake it off, but Dean is as observant as always. 

“Oh, just your dad being... your dad. What brings you by?” 

Cas and Dean exchange looks and she swears she can see words fly from one head to the other. 

“Wel Mary,” Cas starts, “we came over for a visit, but I think we’ll need your spare bedroom as well.” 

*********** 

“Oh hey, look what the cat dragged in...” 

John is drinking –yet another- beer. Hell, he’ll need many more if he’s to deal with those fags... Should have known his eldest’s girly face would get him in trouble. 

*Look at them standing there, holding hands...disgusting.* 

“Hello John. In fine form I see... Mary, you’re sure we’re not intruding? Your house was closest, so... It will only be for the one night, I promise.” 

John looks at his wife and sees she’s absolutely beaming. 

“No problem, honey. Your always welcome here! But... what happened?” 

Dean is blushing and suddenly seems very interested in his shoes, while Cas look like the cat that ate the canary. 

“We broke the bed.” 

John chokes on his beer. 

************* 

“Breathe John, come one, nice and slow...” 

Cas is rubbing his back. The dirtbag who corrupted his son is fucking touching.his.back! 

“GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OF ME!” 

Dean steps back as if he’s been slapped, eyes wide as saucers. 

“What did you just say to him?” He speaks the words quietly, but his tone is dark and menacing. 

Cas surprises them all when he starts laughing. 

“Ok John, no problem... I don’t mind, Dean, you know where my hands have been! Your father’s been around the block, he knows how this goes.” He turns towards him and continues: “You know John, I was a bit sceptical at first too... I mean, it’s not the cleanest place on a man’s body, but seeing one’s partner enjoying himself is worth crossing some imaginary borders, isn’t it? And in all honesty... getting to fifth base without the right preparations would be just cruel really.” 

Cas sits himself down, an innocent smile on his face. 

Are they fucking kidding him?! Is this guy for real?! He turns to Mary and sees her biting her lip, trying not to explode with laughter. What?! 

“There’s no such thing as fifth base, you idiot! What the hell are you talking about?!” 

For the first time since they came in, Dean looks his father straight into the eyes. “Anal, dad. He means anal sex.” 

His brains short circuits. He has no words for this... 

He gets up and walks out the backdoor, rubbing his eyes furiously. 

************ 

Mary putters around the kitchen, confusion evident on her face. 

“Cas... I thought nothing breaks in Heaven? Why did your bed...” 

He sips his coffee, “It didn’t.”


	4. Hot pink panties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finds something interesting in the Impala an comes to a very wrong conclusion... I'd say "poor John", but... nah! :)

After the whole sleepover debacle, John has some grovelling to do... Mary can hardly look at him, let alone talk to him and that just won’t do. Time to dial up that Winchester-charm and sweep her of her feet. Just like the good old days... 

He swings by Deans house to borrow the Impala and starts preparing a romantic picnic under the stars (aka beer and burgers on the hood of the car). Hah! Minimal effort, maximum results... he’s certain of it. Wo needs all that froufrou wining&dining-shit anyway... 

While he’s waiting for Mary to come home, he decides to give the car interior a once-over. She’s immaculate off course... Dean has always taken care of his ‘Baby’ like a mother-hen with OCD. Still, best make sure to put a blanket on the backseat, maybe hide some wet wipes within reach. One never knows where the evening might lead... 

He gets in the back and just reminisces for a moment. Aaah, good times... He’s actually pretty sure at least one of his boys were conceived right here. Good times indeed. 

As he lets his eyes roam, he suddenly notices something under the front seat... something pink? He reaches over and... oh hello! Panties! Very sexy, frilly, satiny, crotchless panties... in hot pink. Why would there be women's panties in here? Suddenly, realisation starts to sink in... Well, well, well, seems like Deans’ been using his own Winchester-charm on someone else than that so-called angel. A grin appears on Johns face. He knew it! He knew his boy was just being temporarily mislead. He knew he’d see the light one day... 

“John?! Why is Baby here?” 

Oh shit, she’s back! He quickly puts the panties in his pocket and makes a mental note to confront -nay, congratulate- Dean tomorrow. 

************ 

Man, that date was a bust... First, Mary keeps talking about Bobby, then she starts talking about how John’s not the same man she fell in love with and the 2 of them needing some time apart and to top it all of: his suggestion that they just need some time in the back of the car (followed by a lusty wink) is shot down so fast, she might as well have kicked him in the balls. They returned home and he’s -once again- been locked out of his bedroom. Women! 

He’s on his way to Deans now to return the car...and the panties. No matter how badly yesterday went, the fact that his boy has been getting some on the side doesn’t fail to make him smile. And judging by the panties, the girl’s gotta be one kinky, hot, little number. Just what the doctor ordered... 

He parks Baby in the driveway and walks over to the house. Let’s get this show on the road! 

************* 

The roar of the Impala always makes Dean’s heart swell. He’d happily lent her to his dad for the night, but part of him just wanted to hide away the keys... 

“Hey dad, you and mom have a good night?” 

*Please, please, please... no parent-sex in my car...* 

“Uh... yeah... we had, uh, fun. Talked a lot. Went home early. Us old folks just don’t party like you youngsters, ya’ know.” 

John has a filthy smile on his face. And now he’s winking! 

*OMJ, is he actually talking about me&Cas... being young and wild?!* 

“Yeah... you realise that I’m 42, right? And Cas is like... dawn-of-time-old. I mean, we get a bit wild, but...” 

John makes a face and puts his hands over his ears. 

“Oh, hell NO! No, no, no, that’s not what I mean! “ He chuckles, reaches into his pocket and throws something pink his way, “I was talking about your little side-piece...She hot? I bet she’s hot. Anyone wearing THAT just has to be! So spill!” 

Deans eyes grow comically large when he sees what his dad just threw on the kitchen table... *OH FUCK!* 

“Look, dad, it’s not... I mean... You don’t understand...” 

His dad has made himself comfortable by now, leans back on his chair, feet on the table (BTW: rude!). 

“Oh, I understand all right... and I have to say, can’t blame ya. I bet Castiel has some very... agreeable... features” The face he makes as he says that denies every word, it’s like he’s trying not to vomit... “But come on... No man can possibly live up to a womans warm, wet,…" 

“DAD!!!” 

Dean is disgusted. This is how well his dad knows him. He didn’t have a clue his son was bi, he’s been disrespecting the man he loves, now he’s talking about his sexuality like it’s ‘just a fase’ and he thinks he’s a cheater to boot! He might have been a bit reluctant about Cas’ plan to make John suffer, but he’s all in now! 

“Could you please not throw my underwear around like it’s trash? Do you have any idea how delicate this fabric is?!” 

The way Johns jaw drops just fuels his fire... He picks up the panties an caresses them gently while smiling. 

“But... have to say, I’m glad you found them. Couldn’t find them after... well, you know... after. Hey, What happens on the backseat, stays on the backseat, huh dad?” 

He sends his sexiest wink his fathers way and the man just... stares. 

Whatever he was going to say is interrupted by Cas coming through the backdoor. 

“Oh John, how... nice... to see you. Dropping of the car, then?” 

Deans bursts out laughing, “Not just the car, babe. Remember those panties I lost?” 

Cas is standing in front of him, hands around his waist, copping a feel... 

“The red lacy ones? I told you, I found those...” 

The twinkle in Cas’ eye is unmistakable. He’s on board with the messing-with-John-plan. 

“No angel, the pink ones...” He leans down to fake-whisper the rest in his ear, “The ones that make you go all badass-angel-of-the-Lord on my ass...” 

They hear a chair falling over and the backdoor slamming, but they pay it no mind. Just the thought of Dean in those panties makes Cas want to slam his lover against a wall and have his way with him. So, he does. 

*********** 

AFTER... 

Who knew the kitchen floor could be so perfect for a post-sex-nap? Maybe it’s a Heaven-thing. All surfaces ready for being naughty... just like the lack of need for lube. His angel really thought of everything... 

He’s on the brink of falling asleep, but one thing keeps bugging him. 

“Cas? Those panties... they’re crotchless.” 

Cas smiles without opening his eyes and says: “Very astute observation, dearest. And your point is?” 

“Well... it’s just that... I never take those off while we’re... I mean, you always say it’s your favourite view: me, wearing those panties, you balls deep inside of me... So, how did they end up in the impala?” 

His eyes meet blue ones. Mischief making them shine even brighter. 

“I planted them of course.”


	5. Baby Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam arrives in Heaven!!! And conspires with Cas...  
> Implied mpreg (but not really)

Sam arrives early one morning. He finds himself outside a perfect replica of the house he and Eileen spent the rest of their –very happy- life in. She died only a year before him, quietly, in her sleep... and he hasn’t felt truly alive ever since. So now, standing outside his house, seeing the love of his life sitting on the porch smiling at him... yes, this IS Heaven. 

Their reunion is a passionate one. It takes a few days for them to inform the rest of the family of his arrival. Sam calls Dean and many manly tears are shed. His brother is talking a mile a minute about their personal slice of Heaven and everyone occupying it. Then suddenly there’s hesitation in his tone... 

“Dean? Is... is something wrong?” 

There’s silence for a moment, then Dean clears his throat and says: “Ok look... there’s something I’ve never told you and I have no idea how you’re gonna react, but here goes... I’m bi. Also, Cas and I are very much in love and living together.” 

He says it all very quickly, like he just needs to get it out as fast as possible. Sam takes a moment to process. Wow... his ship is canon!!! 

“That’s great Dean! I’m so happy for you guys! Oh, I gotta see this in person! I mean... not see... everything... ‘cause: ew, but... WOW, I’m SO stoked about this!!!” 

Another silence. And then: “Ok, ok... don’t make a big deal about it...” 

He can hear the smile in his brothers’ voice. He sounds so light...happy even. God knows he’s deserved some happiness. 

Then suddenly the mood darkens. 

“Sam... there’s one other thing... Dad’s here too. And I know I’ve never told you everything about him and me, but we have a real nasty past, man... I hid the bruises from you when we were kids and I hid the truth when we grew up, because you and him, that was always a ticking timebomb to begin with and I was so scared you’d leave and then you left anyway and...” 

Dean keeps on ranting into his brother’s ear. He tells him everything. Many not so manly tears are shed this time. 

“Dean, I... I had no idea... I’m so sorry... I was so mad at you sometimes for defending him the way you did, I can’t believe I was so blind... I need to make it up to you, tell me what I can do to make it up to you? Wait... who the hell let John into Heaven?!” 

He’s frantic by now, yelling into the phone and pacing around the living room. Just wait until he gets his hands on that son of a bitch! 

Dean chuckles, “Oh don’t you worry about payback... Cas has made it his personal mission to make his Heaven a living Hell and you really have no idea about how vindictive that little shit is... It’s actually Jack that let him in. He didn’t know about any of this, he’s not to blame... actually, Cas tells me he’s all in favour of mentally torturing his pseudo-grandfather, so hey...” 

The way Dean says ‘grandfather’ sparks an idea in Sam’s head. Oh, yesssss... time to conspire with his brand-new brother-in-law. 

“You know what... let’s introduce Jack to John... I’ll make his brain rot with the weird stuff I’ll plant in there...” 

*********** 

They plan a little get together at their house. Just Sam&Eileen, Dean&Cas, Mary&John... and Jack. Who is told to come by a little later than everyone else. For... reasons.... 

All is going well, initially. Ok, there’s definitely some tension between his mom and dad, Cas seems to be VERY touchy-feely with Dean and John just plain ignores Eileen...but everyone is being civil. For now. 

After a while, Sam steps outside to get some air and John follows him out. Hah... showtime... 

“Well son, you built quite a life for yourself! Gotta say, I’m proud of you. A well-respected member of society, good job, big house, beautiful wife, a son to pass on the family name... You’ve got it all! And yeah, would have been nice to have a daughter-in-law I could actually talk to, but in the end, the best wife is a quiet wife amiright?! At least she’s a woman! I have no idea what your brother is thinking...” 

The slap on the shoulder almost makes Sam recoil. His ‘dad’ is even more vile than he remembers. Good thing he talked to Cas first. Man, the two of them working together is gonna make John lose his shit! 

“Hah, yeah... dating an angel... kinda hard to wrap your head around that one at first. But you know, you should be proud of him too. He’s the one who had a kid first, you know. And Jack, well... he’s great. Strong, resilient, selfless... a bit naïve, but a very sweet kid. He'll be stopping by later. You'll love him. Looks just like his dad!” 

A smile appears on Johns face. Oh yes, the fucker is going for the bait! 

“Dean has a son? He didn’t tell me... Things have been a bit strained, what with the gay-thing and all... Another grandson. Guess one of those waitresses got a little more Winchester in ‘er than expected, huh?!” 

The laugh John let’s out chill’s Sam to the bone. Let’s see how he takes this: “Ah no... no waitress. And look, I know you’re not a fan of interspecies relationships, but bear with me. See, Jack, he’s not all human. He’s a nephilim. That’s half-angel/half-human. But he’s such a good kid and they raised him so well! He actually became the new God when we killed the first one. All the more reason to be proud... Dad?” 

John looks like he can’t breathe. He gasps for air and askes: “Dean... and Cas... they have a kid...together???” 

Bingo!!! 

“Yeah! It’s wild isn’t it? We were shocked ourselves when we found out. Didn’t know these things could happen. And, not gonna lie, it was a struggle... Cas started going into full dad-mode as the pregnancy progressed, but Dean... well, figures it would be hard for him. And then there was the birth! Pfff, that was some weird-ass day! We were battling Lucifer and trying to stay hidden from both the Host of Heaven AND the demons and suddenly there was an alternate reality... The birth itself was no picnic either... especially since Jack chose to grow into a teenager right after being born. And Dean... Lucifer killed Cas. Right in front of him. Man, I’d never seen him like that before. He couldn’t even look at Jack, blamed him for the whole thing. Then suddenly, Cas is back! Jack just... brought him back. I swear, the kid is amazing!” 

Right at that moment, Jack arrives. They briefed him beforehand, so when he throws himself into a hug with Sam, he exclaims: “Uncle Sam! I’m so glad to see you!” 

He then turns to John and does his signature wave, “Hi! I’m Jack. You must be my grandfather... Hope you’re nicer than the other one. I drained his power and became the new god. I hope the new Heaven is to your liking?” 

John can’t help but stare. He wants to hug his grandson, but... he looks... 

“You look just like Cas.” 

There’s a laugh coming from behind him. John turns and finds the rest of the family standing there, smiling. 

Dean looks lovingly at Cas and says: “Yeah...he’s my baby daddy.” 

John races inside and throws up in the sink.


	6. Pissing Contest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No actual pissing of any kind!!! I'm kinky, but not THAT kinky...  
> There's a Scoville-scale-pepper-eating-contest and John is feeling very competitive. But will he beat Cas???

Chapter 6: Pissing contest 

Things are not looking good for John Winchester... He has now fucked up with BOTH his sons, made a terrible impression on his grandson/God and to top it all off: Mary left. 

She just LEFT! Instead of taking his side, like a good wife is supposed to, she told him they’re done. Just like that. Cupid be damned. 

Oh, and he knows where she is... He’s sure Bobby welcomed her with open arms... Probably listened to her little pity-ditty like he really cares and agreed with her on every turn. Everything to get into her pants. Rat bastard... he already poisoned his boys’ minds against him, pretending to be the one that raised them, now he just has to have Mary too. What is he doing...collecting an entire set?! 

If only there were someone here to see things from his point of view. But noooooo! Everyone’s all ‘Bobby this’ and ‘Bobby that’ and ‘aren’t Cas&Dean good together’ and ‘isn’t Jack a cutie-pie'… Really, is he the only sane one here?! 

That’s it, time to take a load of... John decides to go to “Harvelle’s” and drink himself into a stupor. 

*********** 

No such luck. Seems like the gang’s all here and what’d you know? Mary’s on Bobby’s lap. Cheating sleaze, fuck her! 

Suddenly cheers erupt from the group. What are they doing?! They're...eating...something green? 

“Oh, hey John! How are ya? Still sore over the whole Mary-leaving-you-for-Bobby-thing?” 

He turns and scowls at the young, blond girl grinning at him. Jo. Great. The girl has no tact. Not to mention shame... He heard her proposition Dean the other day and when he told her him and Cas are serious, she simply said she could handle both and would be happy just watching them go at it. Are you fucking kidding me?! Why would she want to see such a thing?! Obviously a slut, that one... 

“Do I look ok to you? I came here to drink and now I gotta do it surrounded by people who are apparently sooooo much better than me... That sound fun to you?!” 

Jo raises her left eyebrow and looks thoroughly unimpressed. 

“Maybe you should man up and join them then. They’re having a little pissing contest as we speak... You could try to beat them, show them who’s got the biggest cojones in this joint.” 

John looks at the group and sees a bag being passed around and everyone’ drinking milk for some reason. 

“They’re working their way up the Scoville Scale. Peppers, ya know? My moneys on Cas to get to the Carolina Reaper. The guy’s good... Downs tequila like it’s water.” 

Ooooooh, that’s all he needed to hear! No way is he passing up an opportunity to beat that son of a bitch! He’ll show him! 

He walks over to their table and tells them to count him in. He’s completely oblivious to the evil grin on Jo’s face or the wink she sends Charlie’s way. 

********** 

He... actually doesn’t suck at this... Colour Dean surprised... 

They had just reached the Poblano when John joined them, cockily sitting himself down right in front of Cas and telling him to ‘bring it on’. 

Everyone easily made it to the Tabasco, but their numbers were dropping drastically after the Scotch Bonnet. When they brought out the Fatali -a beautiful white pepper- they were down to 3 contestants: John, Mary and Cas. 

“Feeling lucky boys?” Mary askes in a sultry tone. She sounds better than she looks... All red in the face, teary-eyed... Poor mom, trying so hard to keep it together. It’s hilarious! Unlike the staring competition between Cas and his dad... Seems like John’s made it his goal in (un)life to beat him. Well... good luck with that... 

Dean scoots closer to his angel, throws an arm around his shoulders and starts ‘whispering’ in his ear. 

“Go easy on dear old dad, sweetie. The man doesn’t know what you’re capable of... You don’t need to prove yourself to me. I’ll still give you whatever you want, you know that.” 

Cas tears his eyes away from Johns to look into Dean. Yup he’s definitely intrigued...and curious... and mischievous... *Oh lord, here we go again!* 

“Anything?” 

Dean nods 

“Will there be begging?” 

He shrugs his shoulders and sends his lover a dirty wink. 

“Alright in-laws, let’s get this over with!” 

Contrary to popular belief, Cas is NOT a patient man. Johns looks about ready to puke... and the peppers have nothing to do with it. 

********* 

Mary taps out after the Chocolate Habanero. But Cas and John are not ready to let the other win just yet. The Ghost Pepper makes John go so red in the face, he’s almost purple. Cas just keeps on smiling his I’m-better-than-you-smile to egg him on. 

After the Trinidad Scorpion John needs 2 glasses of milk before he can even speak again. Cas’ glass has remained untouched from the beginning. 

John doesn’t give in though. Only one left: the Carolina Reaper. 

That’s it, Dean can’t look at this anymore... 

“Dad, just give up... Cas’ll eat anything, you can’t win this. You'll only hurt yourself” 

But John won’t hear of it. Of all the things to be stubborn about, this is the hill he chooses to die on. Idiot... 

“NO, I’m taking a stand here! I AM going to beat him at this! I’m a marine ffs, I’d eat dirt -worms and all- and rate it 5 stars while I’m at it!” 

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. Ok, time for the big guns... 

“Dirt, huh? Well, whoop-te-doo! I’ve seen this guy eat my ass, fuck me silly and then suck out his come like I was a fucking Slurpee!!! GIVE! UP!” 

Fuck. 

He really just said that out loud in front of his entire family, didn’t he? 

Fuck... 

Sam is the first one to start laughing. The others immediately join in and before long, the game is all but forgotten. Dean hides his face in his hands and Cas kisses the top of his head. He looks up and finds him sportin a sweet little smile. 

“Poor, poor Dean... My lack of filter seems to be contagious.” 

He grabs him by the back of his neck en pulls him into a bruising kiss. After he’s done abusing Deans mouth, he turns to his opponent and says: “I forfeit, John. Congratulations, you’ve won!” 

Dean has to get out of there and ravish his man. Right the fuck NOW. They get up en leave John sitting there looking absolutely gobsmacked. 

Jo slaps his shoulder and yells in his ear: “Close your mouth, old man, you’ll catch flies!”, then walks away laughing her head off. 

********** 

They manage to get to the car before Cas tackles Dean and they end up having a heavy make-out session on Baby’s hood. 

Satisfied (for the moment), they rest their foreheads together. Just enjoying the moment... He’ always talking about ‘no chick-flick moments’, but secretly he’s a sucker for it. 

“Dean...what you said to your dad...” 

He looks away... shit, maybe Cas didn’t like that after all... 

“You do realize I’ve never done THAT to you...right?” 

Ok Winchester, time to be a man about it! 

“Oh, I know... What? You can’t take a hint?” 

Cas’ face is unreadable. Dean tries to keep his flirty smile intact, but he’s dying inside... 

“What’s the magic word?” 

*Oh god, YES!!!* 

“Please, sir.”


	7. The Queen and The Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets some... and then some! (JDM is a hot guy, so I'm allowing it)

John’s sitting outside the roadhouse. He can’t go in, can’t face THEM again... He takes a deep breath and looks up at the stars. Heaven sure isn’t what he imagined it’d be. 

“Well, well, well... a lone wolf... lost in the woods.” 

She startles him, so he reaches for his gun... oh, right. Heaven. No guns. 

“Nice reflexes, dear. A hunter I presume?” 

All she receives is a curt nod. He never takes his eyes of her, never trusts a stranger. 

“Not a talker then... Pity. I do love a bit of flirty banter, makes me feel all young and pretty...” 

She bats her eyelashes at him, gives him a challenging look. He wouldn’t normally go for someone like her. Too posh. Too slick. She looks like the type that eats ‘boytoys’ alive. Beautiful though... and man, has it been a while. Time for that Winchester-charm to make an appearance. 

“How ‘bout we skip the flirtin’ and get straight to the grindin’, sweetheart?” 

Her eyebrows shoot up, but her naughty smile remains. Yeah... he knew she’d be up for a quick rough&tumble. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets, right? 

“Well... been a while since I fell for a line like that... you’re not my usual type. Your sort usually doesn’t have the... finesse... to satisfy a woman like me, sweetie.” 

Oh-ho-how... playing hard to get, insulting him... No matter how much he likes his women sweet and docile, a bit of bite now and again sure doesn’t hurt. 

He gets up and closes in on her. When they’re mere inches apart he grabs her jaw in his hand and gives her his filthiest grin. 

“Maybe it’s time you found out...I’m in a league of my own. And I know how to handle a little spitfire like you, honey.” 

Not to be outdone, she grabs him right back. Right in the family jewels. 

“Put your money where your mouth is... dearie.” 

She drags him to the nearest house and rocks is Heaven. Loudly. 

********** 

The next morning, he quickly limps on home. 

*What the hell was that?!* 

It was good, no doubt about that, but dear lord, that woman could probably make the devil blush! 

John always considered himself the dominant party when it came to sex. Mary usually complied... and if not, he made her. Man of the house here! What he says goes, damnit! But then she left... and now here he is: fucked six ways to Sunday by a tiny woman with the strength of 10 men. He doesn’t know if he should be humiliated or impressed... 

Beer. He needs a beer. Or 5. 

********** 

Dean is in a damn good mood. Granted, these days that’s mostly the case... He’s got his angel and his family by his side, nothing to fight, nothing to worry about, the best food he’s ever had and tonight... a visit from Hell. But in a good way. 

“Looking good, Squirrel. I see Feathers he has been bringing his A-game. Knew he had it in him... Just needed a little Deanmon in the sack to push him over the edge!” 

Dean rolls his eyes so hard, he wouldn’t be surprised if they rolled right out of his head. 

“Yeah, ok Crowley... need another euphemism with those nicknames? I see your time in the Empty hasn’t changed you.” 

He knows the guy will never admit it, but he sees a shiver run over him. Cas told him all about it. How everyone there was constantly reliving their biggest regrets, their greatest failures... His angel was the one who led the rebellion. Woke up everyone there and made it so loud the Empty imploded on itself. The time they all spent there left scars though... if only psychological. 

“Ah, well... with a mother like mine, what could they possibly do to make me crack?” 

Puttin’ on a brave face then. That's his prerogative... 

“Were IS mommy-dearest? Thought she was going to join in on this whole Heaven/Hell-mixer?” 

Crowley takes a sip of his scotch and puts his flirty persona back on. 

“Oh, she had plans with your mother. And Benny. I've long since learned not to ask... Why, ain’t I enough for you, sweetheart?” 

The cocky grin he gives Dean, brings back all sorts of memories. Not bad per se... but... not exactly the kind Cas would like to hear about either. 

“Oh, don’t look at me like that... no need to fret, the king of Hell never kisses and tells. Not even about cute, freckled demonboys...” He takes a step closer to Dean, looks him right in the eyes and askes: “Has Clarence gone exploring yet?” He lowers his eyes, fixates on Deans groin. “Followed the trail of freckles...all the way...down?” His eyes flick back up, brown meeting green. 

“DEAN!!!” 

Aaaand the moment is broken. Dean doesn’t know if he should be annoyed of grateful, really... He turns around and sees John standing there, drunkenly swaying, face like a thundercloud. Annoyed it is then... 

“What are you fucking doing?! Is not ‘nough you taking it up the ass from an angel, now I find out m’ firstborn’s been fucking THE FUCKING KING OF HELL?!?!” 

Crowley seems less than impressed. He’s about to make a snappy comment, when... 

“Oh, you are sorely mistaken, my dear.” 

Johns head snaps up. *Oh no...* He remembers that face. That voice. That accent... 

“He’s only the Prince of Hell these days. All hail the Queen!” 

The smile on her face is positively radiant. John’s absolutely terrified. 

“So sorry, Mummy. You hadn’t asserted your authority in 15 minutes there... one does forget ones place so quickly.” 

Dean sees understanding dawn on his father's face. Suddenly Cas is beside him, innocent smile on his face. 

“Oh John, hi! Let me introduce you to Rowena, Queen of Hell and witch extra-ordinaire... and her son. Crowley. Pain in my ass.” 

“Still sore I had your boy first, Feathers? Still wondering which one of his talents he learned from me?” He’s enjoying this. Cas... not so much. 

“Cas, sweetie, you’re making the lights flicker...” 

Crowley can’t help himself, “Isn’t it divine, the sound he makes when you enter him in one... hard... thrust?” 

“STOP! JUST STOP!!!” The anguished cry stops Cas in his tracks. He was just about to make that ‘Prince’ regret coming here... damnit John! 

“Could you all just NOT talk about fucking my son?! What the hell, boy, I didn’t raise you to be a pillow biter! What the hell is wrong with you?! Don’t you know...” 

With a wave of Rowena’s hand, his voice is suddenly cut off. 

“Now, now, dear John... You’re in no position to throw stones, pet. I seem to remember you being quite vocal yourself yesterday, when I put that plug up that nice bum of yours.” 

Dean looks at his dad with his mouth hanging open. He wants to say something, call him a hypocrite... but his little shit of a boyfriend beats him to the punch. 

“Wow, John! Look at you, pushing the boundaries of your sexuality! Good job! Maybe we’ll pull you over to the dark side after all... Have to say... I love a nice bum myself.” 

The wink he sends Johns way makes him run for the hills. The laughter of everyone present at ‘Harvelles’ following him out. 

Cas walks over to Rowena and hugs her. “Thank you for your... ah... sacrifice. Sure it was a hardship...” 

They’re wearing matching smirks. 

Dean sighs. *Sacrifice, my ass!* 

************ 

A shower... he needs a shower... Not only did he sleep with a witch, he let that ‘thing’ do those unholy things to him! 

And he liked it. 

Fuck!


	8. Instant karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is being a very naughty boy! Luckily, Cas knows how to handle naughty boys... bit smuttier than usual.
> 
> @taylortheclown I give you: chairs ;)

It starts of small. John has been quiet about their relationship for some time now. Dean naively thought that maybe he’d seen the light. Maybe he’d let it go, let them... be. Right. Not happening apparently. John’s absence was obviously meant as a short interlude, a time in which he has learned to reign in his anger and resort to more cunning ways. 

He no longer avoids them. In fact, he seeks them out, he WANTS to spend time with them, it seems. At first, Dean was optimistic about it, but Cas never trusted it for one second. And he was right. 

They toned down the innuendos, but still acted like a normal couple... touches, kisses, nicknames... just being “disgustingly cute” as Charlie says. And John just seems to allow it. He doesn’t look away, he doesn’t flee the scene... Cas feels weary. It’s the eye of the storm, he’s certain about it. And the shit is about to hit the fan... 

************ 

Dean has been playing pool for most of the evening and when he returns to their table, they’re short a chair. Cas gives him a wink and leans back. Dean takes the invitation and sits down on his lover's lap. They just sit there, conversation and booze both flowing royally... John just watching them. Cas tries not to let it mess with him, but it’s quite unnerving. His constant gaze, his weird smile... And then he suddenly gets up, takes his chair, places it next to them and says: 

“Well, I’m off. Here, Dean, have a chair. I know you love this whole chick-flick-routine, but for fucks sake boy, you’re giving my son-in-law blue balls!” 

He says it in a teasing tone and it wouldn’t be THAT cringe-worthy, but then he slaps Cas on the back and adds: 

“Women, amiright?!” 

He just drops that bomb and leaves. Everyone has gone silent. Deans blushing like crazy and Cas can see tears shining in his eyes. *That fucker!* 

Bobby clears his throat and tries to lighten the mood. 

“No one ever accused John of being tactful...” 

They share a small, forced laugh, but the evening is ruined. 

*********** 

Dean wipes it of the table, says his dad was trying to play nice with Cas, he’s just not that politically correct. 

“He probably didn’t think twice about what he said, Cas... He’s not exactly used to being around queer couples. And if he IS trying, maybe we should give him some time, he’ll learn...” 

Cas isn’t so sure of that. He has this nagging feeling that something’s wrong. 

“Let’s just invite him to our barbeque. The only way forward is through, right? I don’t wanna keep harassing him if he’s trying to play nice. That wouldn’t make us any better than him.” 

For all Deans teasing about Sam's puppy-dog-eyes, he’s pretty good at putting them to work himself. How can Cas possibly refuse him anything now? 

“Oh, Dean... your efforts in making amends with your father are commendable. You are, by all means, a loyal son and he doesn’t deserve you. But ok, let him come, I’ll be civil. I promise.” 

He takes Dean in a tight embrace and feels him instantly relax. 

************ 

The barbeque is a success. John even offered to do the grilling so Dean could hang out with his guests more. And although you can say a lot of bad things about his father-in-law, he sure knows his way around a grill. Everyone is having fun, the mood is soft and stress-free... Cas even caught himself listening to one of Johns hunter stories and laughing out loud. Dean is beaming when he sees Cas’ gummy smile. 

So, he lets his guard down. 

And then it happens... People are packing up, getting ready to go. Mary and Eileen are cleaning up and bringing the leftovers into the house. Bobby, Sam, John and Cas are sitting around the dying embers of the grill, still sharing stories, when Dean walks up and offers them a glass of scotch. He’s just about to take a seat next to Cas when his dad frowns and says: 

“Woah, Dean, shouldn’t you be helping your mom and sis out in the kitchen?” 

Dean leans back in his chair and takes a sip, “No they said they got it... they know their way around our kitchen.” 

But John’s not giving in... “Really son, that’s just being rude. Why don’t you just hop into the house, help them out and let the men have their drinks in peace huh?” 

Dean is sporting a deer-in-headlights-look and silently does as he’s told. As he’s leaving, he sees Cas is about to make a remark and shakes his head at him. God, how is he going to handle this? He promised he’d be nice to John and the guy has been more than friendly all day... Is he reading too much into this? Is he being oversensitive? 

He lets it go, but can’t help but notice the very disturbed look on Sam and Bobby’s faces. 

Dean refuses to wear his panties from then on. 

************ 

Some time goes by and John's behaviour is... normal. John-normal, with the occasional “accidental” slur, but nothing TO bad. Still... it has its effect on their relationship. Dean’s different. Quiet at times, acting overly masculine when others are around, hiding his emotions... hell, last night he plain refused to let Cas take him from behind! He fucking loves it like that! Cas doesn’t know what to do... 

Then one day, the whole family decides to spend the day at the lake. It’s loads of fun and after some clowning around in the water, Cas throws himself into one of the beach chairs and watches Dean approaching... all wet and slightly sunburned, dressed only in tight swimming shorts... They should go swimming more often. 

Dean passes him by and reaches into the cooler for a beer. He passes one to John and slides on his knees beside Cas, offering him not only a beer, but also a PB&J-sandwich. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” 

Dean grins and leans up for a kiss, “You gripped me tight and raised me from perdition...sir” 

He then lays himself down on the beach towel next to Cas’ chair in a most seductive way. *oh yes... he’s getting some kinky sex tonight!* 

And then John has to open his big mouth... 

“He sure is submissive, isn’t he? Gotta say, Cas, you really struck gold with that one... I don’t know where he gets it? His mom? Not a submissive bone in her. Found THAT out the hard way... Hope he a bit more willing in the sex-department than she was. Not one for exploring either, ifyouknowwhatimean. Then again, blowjobs and anal are kinda what your sort does, huh?! No need to ask him for it, it’s always on the table! You’re one lucky sonovabitch...” 

He’s laughing and drinking and acting like there’s not a cloud in the sky. 

Cas is sitting completely still. Paralysed with rage and desperately trying to keep from hitting John. He glances at Dean and sees he’s turned to his side in a fetal position. The love of his life is trembling and silently crying into the sand. 

John jumps up and throws his empty beer away. 

“Well, time to take a swim myself!” 

As soon as he’s gone, Cas goes to Dean and hugs him tight. He tries to fight him of for a moment, but gives in anyway and sinks into Cas’s embrace. 

“I know, sweetheart... just let it out... Look, Dean, these are clearly not accidents anymore, I have to react. And I’ve got just the thing...” 

He makes sure Dean is alright and stands up. 

“Now where is Sam?” 

************* 

John is feeling pretty damn good about himself! That fruity son of his and that perverted angel try to mess with HIM?! He comes back swinging! 

Sure, he had to play nice and endure some seriously fucked up shit, but the greater the cost, the sweeter the revenge! 

He saunters into Harvelle’s and sees Sam sitting alone on a table, looking depressed. With a sigh, he sits himself down across from him 

“’Sup Sammy? Someone stole your conditioner?” 

Sam looks up and throws a bitch-face his way. 

“Dad, not now... It’s really not the time for jokes. Something real serious is going on.” 

John leans forward, arms on the table. *could it be...?* 

“What’s going on, son? Trouble in paradise? You and Eileen doing good?” 

“No... no, dad, me and Eileen are great. Cas and Dean though... They’ve been going through some stuff. Deans been questioning his sexuality again, there have been some issues about who’s the girl, Deans tired of all the kinky stuff... and Cas just...*sigh* He left. Said it had to be all in or all out and he just... left. Deans a mess, been locked up in his house drinking ever since.” 

*********** 

John feels righteous. He’s walking up to Dean's house and he plans to guide his son back unto the right path. No more angels, no more being gay... he’ll get his loyal, obedient, skirt-chasing son back! Just you wait! 

*********** 

Cas feels... oh God, he’s never felt like this! This full... this taken... yet completely in charge... 

They’re on a strategically placed kitchen chair in the middle of the living room, facing the front door. 

Dean is sitting down on it and Cas is straddling him, riding him slowly, while holding on to the back of the chair. They’ve never done this. Dean is the epitome of a “fun bottom” and has never even asked to switch. A choice Cas is currently regretting, because this... THIS is true Heaven! 

He slowly sinks himself down on Dean’s length and slides back up, again and again... hips moving at an excruciatingly slow pace... giving Dean a show of his muscles moving underneath tanned skin. 

Deans hands are roaming all over his chest, back, ass, thighs... biting his lip, a blush high on his cheeks. He’s never looked more beautiful. 

“Cas... ah!... Cas, I... I have to... please... let me...” 

“Not yet, love, not yet...any...oooh... moment now...wait for it” 

Even though he’s trying to hold off both their orgasms, he starts moving faster. His animalistic nature quickly overcoming his rational thinking, as Deans cock keeps hitting his prostate. Moans and cries of pleasure fill the air as the chair starts creaking, its legs scratching the hardwood floor... 

Behind him, Cas hears the front door open, hears John say... something... 

And even though the plan was to give the fucker a good show and a nasty comeback, all is lost to pleasure as he feels Dean come inside him and they tumble over the edge together. 

When they’ve recovered, John is nowhere to be seen. Dean is still inside him, not all the way soft yet and he starts grinding down on him again... teasing him... 

CRACK!!! 

Aaaand they’re on the floor... Seems like some things CAN break in Heaven. They look each other in the eye and start giggling like madmen. 

************ 

The next morning, John finds a card taped to his front door. There’s an emoji on the front, sticking out it’s tongue. On the inside it says: 

“Dear John, 

Guess we’re both ALL IN. 

C&D" 

John crumples the card and throws it on the ground.


	9. Happy Birthday, Dean Winchester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of the 24th of January, I'm throwing Dean a birthday party.  
> John's in for a surprise... and so are you! ;)

After his last ‘stunt’ John decided to keep to himself. Sure, eternity was turning out to be a bit boring, but anything was better than once again witnessing Castiel riding Dean like he was going for a mechanic-bull-record. Seriously, THIS was Heaven?! Shame Hell was ruled by Rowena or he’d be begging Jack to be sent there... 

So, he just withdrew from the rest of them. Filling his days with manly things. Cleaning his guns, sharpening his blades, shooting cans from a fence, cleaning the guns again, his daily workout routine (death is no reason for slacking off after all), taking naps in his favourite recliner… the works. 

One part of his daily work out is going for a run. Normally he hardly ever encounters anyone, but today is a completely different story. 

He reaches a grassy field and sees a flurry of activity. His whole family is there, putting up tents and tables and decorations... there even appears to be a dancefloor. 

“Not here to poop on the party, are ya?” 

Bobby is standing behind him, arms crossed, frowning at John. As much as he hates the guy for stealing his best girl, he’s missed the old bastard. Bro’s before ho’s and all that... 

“Hey Bobby. Long time, no see... Looks like it’s gonna be one hell of a party. Special occasion?” 

Surprised at John being civil for once, Bobby relaxes and he starts explaining: 

“I’d sure say so... Yer boy’s birthday. First birthday celebration he’s had since he turned 4.” 

“Hey! We celebrated his 18th!” 

Bobby rolls his eyes, “Drinking sub-par beer and throwing him some cash to go and have a good time in a whorehouse don’t count, ya idjit! Poor boy’s always lookin’ out fer others and he’s never even had a homemade birthday cake, let alone a party... So, dead or not, we’re celebratin’, damnit! Now are you gonna act like a real father, put your bigotry aside and show up?” 

John sees red. Who the hell does this guy think he is?! Stealing his wife, stealing his kids, judging him... now he’s throwing his eldest some froufrou party! Hunters don’t do birthdays. No time to waste on trivialities like that when you’re saving people and putting your ass on the line to do it. No wonder Dean’s regressed into such a cry-baby... All these people giving in to his every girly whim... pathetic. 

But he knows the cure to this travesty... They’ll never know what hit them! 

“You know what, Bobby? Count me in. He’s my firstborn son after all... deserves all he’s given, I guess.” 

He’s never seen Bobby look so surprised. 

“Good... great... Just you mind yer manners, ya hear?! Also, Dean don’t know, so don’t you go runnin’ yer mouth. Just come back here at dusk.” 

Dusk. Perfect. Plenty of time to write a speech that’ll set some things right. 

************ 

Dean is completely blown away. A party... for him? It takes a moment for reality to sink in. He'd be 42... if he still had a birthday that is. With the whole Heaven-Earth time difference, who knows, he might be 273 by now. Doesn’t matter really... What DOES matter is that his family thought he deserved to finally have a real birthday party. And he’s going to enjoy every minute of it! 

************ 

Ok, the party is good. The booze is good, the food is good, he’s sitting next to this cute blonde... He could do without the PDA from Dean and his boyfriend, but beggars can’t be choosers. And he can always just stare at Blond Girl’s friend some more. That is some cleavage...phew! 

“So, you’re John Winchester, right?” 

Blond Girl is giving him a smouldering look. *oh yeah, old man, you still got it!* 

“In the flesh. And you are?” 

“Claire Novak-Nieves. I have to say, I'm so glad to finally meet you! I’ve heard such stories about you!” 

John grins... ok she looks a bit young, but hey, it’s not like you feel it. 

“Really? And who was doing the tellin’ then? Should I be blushing?” 

Claire’s beautiful smile suddenly gets a bit... on the psychotic side and a shiver runs down his spine for some reason. 

“I heard everything I needed to know straight from the horses’ mouth. See, Cas and Dean? Their basically my dads.” 

Well, that throws him for a loop. right when he thought he’d found an ally... 

“Basically? Don’t tell me you’re a Nephilim too?” 

“Oh god no! No, it’s a bit more complicated than that. Cas... when he first came down to earth, he needed a vessel. My father was a very devout man and offered up his body to Castiel. Things happened... Cas was killed a few times... which led to my dad dying too. He and my mom are in Heaven together and they’re happy, so I’ve made my peace with that long ago. Cas felt bad for me though. He and Dean tried to help me in any way possible, tried to keep me from becoming a hunter even. Kept doing it anyway... So, they started mentoring me. Became my pseudo-dads!” 

The look on Johns face is worth a million dollars. 

“Cas.. Is possessing your dad? And you’re ok with this?!” 

Claire lets out a laugh and flips her hair back. 

“Well, its been a very long time since my dad was actually present. Maybe for the best... being a good straight Christian man and all, the gay vibe might not have sat well with him. Ugh, you should have SEEN the staring! I swear, if I had made it to Heaven and saw those idiots STILL dancing around each other... I mean, ok, is it weird that Dean is banging my dead dad’s corpse? Yeah... but hey, it doesn’t even hit the top 10 of weird shit we’ve had to deal with. I mean, Kaia and me, we’ve been hunting since our teens. Not many things faze us these days...” 

Claire looks at Kaia like she hung the moon and that’s when he first sees it... They’re holding hands. And wearing matching wedding bands. Well, shit! 

“Should have figured you two’d be queer, just like that faggot son o’mine... Fuck, what the hell is the world comin’ to? Just wait ‘till I give my speech, everyone will see, everyone will understand and say I’m right!” 

Something hits his forehead out of nothing and stops him in his tracks. He looks up and sees Kaia glaring at him. Claire’s shaking with laughter next to her. 

“Did you just throw a spoon at me?” 

His voice is low and even. The tone of voice that used to make Dean cower like a little bitch. 

“Be grateful it wasn’t a knife.” 

Claire is beaming. She kisses Kaia passionately and turns to John to say: “She’s not a talker like me, but she gets her point across!” 

John is about to retort, when someone on another table clears his throat. 

It’s Cas. He stands up and turns to Dean... 

*********** 

A FEW MINUTES EARLIER: 

“Cas... who had the brilliant idea of putting Claire next to my dad?!” 

His angel looks over to the table on the far left of them and a proud smile forms on his face. 

“She did. Said she wanted her own torture-moment with him. And you know how I like to spoil her... Don’t worry, she’s gotten much better at controlling her anger.” 

Right at that moment they see Kaia throw something at John. 

Dean sniggers, “Guess Kaia hasn’t.” 

All of the sudden, Cas stands up. Dean thinks he’s about to go over to them and end whatever is going on, but he just loudly clears his throat, drawing everyone's attention. 

*Oh wow, is he going to speech?!* 

Cas takes his hand, looks him in the eye and says: 

“Dean. Love of my life. My righteous man. You are the most loving, most giving person I have ever met... and I’m ancient, so that’ saying something. You always put everyone else's needs before your own, never asking anything in return. And yet, you’re hardly ever shown the same courtesy. Today is not just about you finally getting a real birthday party, it’s about honouring you. It's about us showing you how important you are. We may be one big family up here, but it’s you that brought us together. You are the glue, Dean. Overlooked, often forgotten... but absolutely indispensable.” 

Dean’s not even trying to keep back his tears and if he’d take a look around, he’d see he’s not the only one...but he’s only got eyes for Cas. 

“There is no brighter soul in the whole of existence than you, Dean and I am humbled to have been chosen by you. You have been my teacher, my friend, my saviour, the father of my children... you have changed me for the better and accepted my many flaws. I love you, Dean. More than words could ever say.” 

He can’t take it anymore... he gets up and takes the angel in a crushing embrace, burying his face in his neck. Audience be damned! 

Cas squeezes him tight for a moment and the room erupts in cheers. He then lifts Deans head up, takes his face in both hands, looks straight into his eyes and continues: 

“I’m not done yet Dean” 

There’s a bit of soft laughter coming from their family. They’re all absolutely enraptured by the pure love displayed in front of them. 

“I’m sorry, Dean. Sorry I couldn’t say it sooner and in life. Sorry I couldn’t give you everything... until now. I know it may seem redundant, but... Dean Michael Winchester, would you do me the honour of becoming my husband. Today. Right now, in fact.” 

Dean feels like he can’t breathe... he wants to tell Cas how he’s the one that changed HIM, the one that made him discover and accept his true self, the one that means everything to him...but he can only form one little word. 

“Yes.” 

*********** 

What just happened? What the fuck just happened?! John looks around and sees everyone smiling and applauding... There’s a sudden flurry of movement and its very clear that they were all in on it. Before Cas and Dean have even stopped hugging and –eeewww- kissing, the whole setting has been changed into a wedding theme. Flower arch and all. 

John can do nothing but stare as the boys walk up to Sam, who officiates the wedding. More words are said, Dean enthusiastically yells out a “Hell yeah!” -inducing more laughter, rings are exchanged, kisses shared... 

Sam then says his final words: “Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you, for the first time, to Cas and Dean Winchester... FINALLY!!!! 

The sound is overwhelming. It’s like a culmination of years and years of waiting and hoping and longing... people breaking out in tears, kissing their own significant other, basking in a delirium of happiness. 

John feels a bit sick. 

The lights are dimmed and the crowd disperses. A familiar tune starts playing and Cas leads Dean to the dancefloor. 

“If the sun refused to shine   
I would still be loving you   
When mountains crumble to the sea   
There will still be you and me 

Kind a woman, I give you my all   
Kind a woman, nothing more   
Little drops of rain whisper of the pain   
Tears of loves lost in the days gone by 

My love is strong, there is no wrong   
Together we shall go until we die, my, my, my   
Inspiration is what you are to me   
Inspiration, look 'n' see 

And so today, my world it smiles   
Your hand in mine, we walk the miles   
Thanks to you, it will be done   
For you to me are the only one   
Alright, there 

Happiness, no more be sad   
Happiness, I'm glad 

If the sun refused to shine   
I would still be loving you   
Mountains crumble to the sea   
There will still be you and me” 

He never knew his son could move so well. Dance moves... on top of everything else... he’s got fucking dance moves. John huffs and looks away. 

“Not a fan of boys dancing, I see? 

He looks up and sees a young woman standing next to him. She looks... different. Ethereal even. Long flowing hair, all the colours of the rainbow in it... 

“I’m Jasmin. The first angel Jack created. The angel of truth and justice, heavenly protector of fandom and destiehellers. And I have an offer for you, John Winchester” 

He has no idea what she’s meant to be the protector of... destie-what? So, Jack’s making more of these freaks... that’s nice. 

“You’re not at peace here, are you John? All of this... it goes against the very fibre of you’re being. So, I would like to make you an offer. I can take you away from here. To a place far from Heaven, Hell and Earth. Beyond the reach of Jack himself. It will be a solitary exitance –save for my company- but there you will finally get what you deserve. Choose now.” 

It’s not a hard choice at all. Anything is better than this! God, he could deal with the constant innuendo’s, could look away from all the touches, but all this lovey-dovey-crap?! Oh, hell no!!! 

“Yes! I’ll go with you. Right now!” 

She takes his hands in hers, closes her eyes and light envelops them. 

He opens his eyes and sees... darkness. Nothingness. Complete silence. 

Jasmin is still standing in front of him. Rope in one hand, a knife in the other... a devious smile on her face. 

“Welcome, John Winchester... to the Empty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE04xWTqMjg
> 
> So... there will be one more chapter after this, but it will not be for the faint of heart. I'll make the angel Jasmin go all Hannibal on Johns ass! Be warned! Just stop right here if that's not your thing.  
> It was a pleasure writing this and I hope you guys enjoyed it!
> 
> Oh, and special thanks to taylortheclown for letting me borrow "angel Jasmin" Hope she's everything you wanted her to be :)


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